happy and jealousy..mixed together

i never mention the name of this guy who I've written about from the first time, huh?
well, cause I'm afraid someone read this and recognize who he is
and tell him about my blog
and he read it
and he'll know what i feel about him for this whole time
so let's called him with his initial "G"

have u ever heard about viwawa game?
i bet you do!!
many people play that online games
there's a card game or chess or word puzzle and so on
yup!!I'm one of those player and G also play that games
in that game, we also can chat each other..it's like facebook
when you're online, u can chat with others who online too..
when i was playing card..
suddenly, there's a private chat..
and guess who
IT'S HIM!!!
he asked me to play with him
that i said yes!!
(of course yes..why should i say no??LoL)
honestly, I'm very excited with that.
really..it's like dream comes true to me..
and this is what i called happiness!!

after he made the room to play and i came in
there's someone who has been there before me
i thought he didn't know who is the other player
(player for each room is 4..it's big 2.5..)
when i called his name..
then the other player said something to him
as if they were talking before i got there
(and this is the beginning of my jealousy)
and he said to the GIRL (what??!!!a girl???)
"this is anast..mike's little sister"
wew..i know that girl
she's my brother's friends
i spoke to her once or twice or..
well the point is i know her
the other player came and the game start
as the game started, they're talking and i just watch them
and felt a little angry..LoL
(i know i know..it's been almost 2 years, and i not somebody for him so i can do nothing..which is SUCKS!!)
and i just said to him
"i gotta go..BB"
and i left the rooms

the next day
he asked me again to play together again
cause i thought there will be no girl in there
so i said OK..AGAIN
when i entered the room..
guess what??
both of the player (cause the rest is me and him)
are his friends at his campus..
a boy..and another one..with no surprising AGAIN..A GIRL
(why there are always a girl?? r u a playboy now?)
and as usual..those 3 humans (LoL) were talking each other
and AGAIN i just played and watch the talked and laugh
cause i cannot stand it anymore
and i really want to cry in that time
i said..
"my friend ask me to play along with..so BB"
then i left and i shut down my laptop
and i guess u know what i did after that
it's like 2 feelings which are like positive and negative
mixed into one
and it's hard to write that kind of feeling into words
because it's to painful