tomorrow's free time!!

tomorrow will be the last day of final exam!!
damn!!this is what i've been waiting for the whole week
and
finally..it come at last
LoL
here's the plan
after we finished the test,i'll hang out with my friends
i know my mom wont let me driving by my self
except if i go to school
so,i'm going to take the car with me
and hopefully
my mom don't about know it..LoL
and for the last day
it is very hard subject (for me)
well
it's not hard
i'm just lazy to study
LoL
i haven't study yet
and i don't know what to learn
that's another factor that makes me more lazy..LoL
i hope i have enough time to finished it and pass the test
i'm just hoping tomorrow's plan will be great
without that freak girl!!

that freak !?!

oo ya!!
do you know about her??
well, i guess u don't cause i haven't speak a word about her, right?
she's weird
actually she's not weird but i think she is
cause she likes to show off
very very very very show off!!
(man!!do you have a mirror??)
she like to sing in a class to show us she has a great voice
(which her voice is so lame and like a B*TCH!!)
she like to act like she's the smartest in the class
(which she doesn't..well,me and my friends,who don't like her too,got a better score than her)
she like to wear a tight shirt and some girly stuff
(which made her look more fat than anyone else and her ass become more bigger cause that tight things)
she like to make a weird voice or laugh
(which like she wants to get attention in a class..owh please!!!)
yup!!
the point is
i don't like her and hate her very much
well
she doesn't have any problem with me
yet....but i still hate her..
LoL
i mean..i have some problem with her
but not that big
like,when i was speaking with my friend
and she don't like that
then she ask my friend (the one who i spoke with)
to go somewhere ..e.g toilet
i mean
come on!!i was discussing about something here
don't be such a disturbing girl!!
and i really don't like if she's show off about her car
she's driving herself
and when she's driving
man!!very slow even the street was not so crowded
it's like i'm gonna be old woman after we arrived

and another case between me and her
was happening today
that's when the test was not start yet
when i came,i saw her with my friend (i'm OK with it)
looked like they don't understand something
and my friend asked me (which understand it)
when i was explaining to my friend
she didn't listen to me (i don't have a prob with that)
but the prob is
when i finished explain it
she ask my friend to explain it again to her
than my friend said to her
"just now anast explain it..why u don't listen..now i have to explain it to you"
yup!!why don't you listen to me from the beginning
please don't be such an *ssh*le
don't act like you'r the prettiest girl
the sexiest girl
or whatever
especially in front of me

if i could, i would sing this song for you

I can honestly say
You've been on my mind
Since I woke up today, up today
I look at your photograph all the time
These memories come back to life

And I don't mind

I remember when we kissed
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing
I remember the simple things
I remember till I cry
But the one thing I wish I'd forget
The memory I wanna forget is goodbye

I woke up this morning
And played our song
And through my tears sang along
I picked up the phone
And then put it down
Cause I know I'm wasting my time

And I don't mind

I remember when we kissed
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing
I remember the simple things
I remember till I cry
But the one thing I wish I'd forget
The memory I wanna forget is goodbye

(and this part of song is REALLY NOT GOING TO happen to me)
Suddenly my cell phone's blowing up
With your ring-tone
I hesitate but answer it anyway
You sound so alone
I'm surprised to hear you say

You remember when we kissed
You still feel it on your lips
The time that you danced with me with no music playing
You remember the simple things
We talked till he cried
You said that your biggest regret
The one thing you wish I'd forget
Was saying goodbye

Saying goodbye

Oh, goodbye

by miley cyrus - goodbye

did miracle already happen to me?

today is a lunar new year
(btw, happy lunar new year all)
at midnight before Lunar new year
i send a sms to several my friends to say happy lunar new year
well
of course i already prepared a sms for him
(even though is much shorter and just wrote "(some Chinese language) happy lunar new year..GBU (my name)")
at that day i was having my 1st day of final exam,ecomomics
when i already finished my work and sit outside and wait for my friends
i received a sms, and when i read where i get the sms from
IT'S FROM HIM!!!
(to be honest) AND I'M SOO EXCITED
at the first time, he just replied with an ordinary sms
but when i replied ASAP (ugh!!)
the more we sms-ing, the more our language became more close
we talked like it's used to be
he remember about the time when he came to my home
and my dog ate his sandal..LOL
I REALLY MISS that time
i wish our story never ends
but the truth is not..
but at least..can we be friend again?
and if we can, can we be more than friend?
well..i don't think it will happen
but i'm glad we talked each other even through sms for a while
yeaah..i'm glad

about HIM

there's not much to tell about him
the thing is
after i broke up with him for about one and a half year
i still love him
i still miss him
i still want him back
not as a friend i want
i want more than that
but i know
it is not going to happen
and it will not be ever happen to me
and the worse thing is
even i know it will never happen to me
but i am STILL hoping it for happen
silly of me!!

tragedy in one night..one of my mom's idiotic

last night was a big disaster that happened to my family
and today some good some really not good
so let me tell u all of it
last night, me and my family were having some kind of family gathering
but some family members did not come
and all of us went to my grandma's house
i thought that night, every body will happy
and it's not happened like i was imagined

oh yaa
i forgot to mention this
at the first time
there is a problem happened already before i came there
my mother's older sister got pregnant AGAIN
before they got married first
and the guy who made her pregnant
has already have 4 children and not yet divorce with his first wife
but they live separately
well,i don't know how much exactly he has a wife
but as far as i know (or maybe HE DIDN'T TOLD US HOW MANY HE GOT)
he just have one..
and she IS STILL LIVING IN MY GRANDMA'S HOUSE!!
my mom's really angry with her and the guy who made her like that
what my mom wants is if they want to live together even without grandma's and the other family member's bless
they have to get out from my grandma's house and find somewhere else to live in with her kid, her new baby, and of course with that bastard..
let's continue the story

when we all arrived at grandma's
the situation and condition is still good
so much love in the air
(but not my mom's love..LOL)
then my mom's sister came and also bring that THINK (i mean her BF, almost her husband,btw..well,they had sex more than once i think..LOL)
she's waiting outside 'cause she's too afraid to see my mom
(know you know how evil my mom is, even her own older sister afraid to her)
and then, that guy came to the house and offer a shake hand to my mom
(wow!!what a good move)
without saying anything nice,my mom said
"GET OUT!!"
(with her face which is like a devil?? well, i think so..LOL)
and he stepped outside and my auntie asked him to leave the house
when she's gone..the unbelievable thing my mom did is
YELLING at my GRANDMA!!!
she's just yelling, yelling, and yelling to grandma
until grandma was out of control
she just screamed like someone wants to kill her
and said to her self
"GOD!!PLEASE TAKE ME NOW!!I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!I WANNA DIE!!"
me and the rest of my cousins and nieces, and also my dad (which are not involved to this problem) just watched and listened..
my other auntie who's younger that my mom
try to settle down her mother in her room
then not long enough me and my cousins and nieces
came to grandma's room and try to make her happy
we laughed together, share some funny stories they have
it was so fun!!we were laughing all the time..
but my grandma didn't smile at all
but somehow i know
she feel a little bit warm in her heart

sometimes i can't think why my mom can do such thing like that
i mean..it was very horrible..

about my mom

i believe this is not suppose to be the first time i hate my mom
just because i start to write from the middle of my stories
so i will called it as chapter 1 and i'll begin with intro my mom

if you don't know who she is
just by looking at her, i bet you'll think that
she is a good women..very caring with her kids
and as we know she always have a problem with my dad
i don't know how
but she can made the whole story goes wrong
and make people thinks that my dad's the evil one
well, i can only say "THEY ABSOLUTELY DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY DAD!!AND ALSO MY MOM!!"
personally, my dad is a good man
but my mom? i think she's not
she's selfish, she's like to say something without thinking about it first
she's like to throw things when she's angry
yup!!like an animal or a beast..LoL
but sometimes i also hate my dad
but not for a long time
my dad is not selfish
he always give me and my bro some money
if we're run out of cash
and in the other hand, my mom, never ask if we still have money or not
so everybody who know who she is, have not know who she really is

BACKGROUND

this is my background of my life
this is why i become like this
and this is why sometimes i hate every single living things
we all already know
if they got stress or frustration
maybe they think the only way out is...
what???
they do drugs
they do sex before married
they run away from their family
and you know what??
i'm one of those story
well,it's not that bad
but each person has their own story and this is mine
which i called nothing
to be honest
u can say that almost every week something bad happened to my family
both my parents yelled each other, they're beat each other
and i don't like that..
well, who does??
that's why i don't like my family that much
and i haven't feel my parent's care about me
i think they do care, but not as much as they think
(but now, my dad is not that bad, he was a bad dad for a long time ago..but NOW HE IS A GOOD DAD FOR ME..even sometimes he really pissed me off..but he's ok)
and this is only the beginning
than i grew up and at that time i was in junior high school
and someone liked me..
from that moment,i felt like i was special to someone
i felt like being love by someone who i love
and yup!!
we had a relationship about 9 months and we broke up
waw!! i was really sad at that time
and i never felt like i was being love by someone again
but, i'm just a kid at that time and don't understand what love really means
and i was really stupid for falling in love with that J*RK!!
yeah..stupidity..
then when i was in high school
i met this boy..
at the first time i saw him
i don't have a feeling to him yet of course..LOL
but after we know each other
i started to pay attention to him
not so cute for my friends but cute enough for me
not so handsome for my friends for very handsome for me
we're talking by phone or sms-ing
than that feeling fill my heart
a feel that made me felt like i'm special to him
a feel that made me felt like he love me and i love him
and really like that felling
than our relationship became more close
we were like BF and GF but he's not ask me to his GF yet
it's about half of year we having that kind of relations
and we had the real one
but not for a long time
just last for 3-4 months
then we broke up and never speak a word again
even until more than 1 year we broke,
and i'm still thinking about him till now

Tell him that I hate him
Tell him that I love someone new
Tell him that I don't need him anymore
Tell him that he is nothing for me
But please....
Don't tell him that I cried when I said all that.

Don't Cry Over Someone That Won't Cry Over You

No Guy Is Worth Your Tears & When You Find The One That Is He Won't Make You Cry

If You Really Love Something Set It Free.
If It Comes Back It's Yours, If Not It Wasn't Meant To Be

Some Day You'll Cry For Me Like I Cried For You,
Some Day You'll Miss Me Like I Missed You,
Some Day You'll Need Me Like I Needed You,
Some Day You'll Love Me But I Won't Love You

Time will make you forget me but time will make me love you more than before.

If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you I wouldn't love you.
If I didn't love you I wouldn't miss you, but I did, I do and I will.

My heart longs for you, my soul dies for you,
my eyes cry for you, my empty arms reach out for you.

Forget who hurt you yesterday,
But don't forget who loves you tenderly today.

Love can make you happy but often times it hurts,
but love is only special when you give it to who its worth.

Boyfriends come and go, but friends are forever.

The hardest part of loving someone is
knowing when to let go,
and knowing when to say goodbye.

No pleassure, no expressions just an illusion of what should of but wasnt.

I hate you for not letting me have you.

Forget the times he walked by, Forget the times he made you cry,
Forget the times he spoke your name, Remember now your not the same.
Forget the times he held your hand, Forget the sweet things if you can,
Forget the times & Don't pretend, Remember now he's just your friend.

The day you finally decide to love me will be the day
after the day I have given up on chasing you

I hate to see the one I love happy with somebody
but I surely hate it more to see the one I love unhappy with me...

I had a dream and it was about you ...
I smiled and recalled the memories we had ...
then I noticed a tear fell from my eyes ... you know why?
Coz in my dream you kissed me and said goodbye ..

If in this lifetime, I wont get to have you,
I'll make sure that if I meet you in my next life
I wont have to think twice on saying that
"I waited a lifetime to say I love you..."

Moving on is simple,
it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult

I dont miss him, I miss who I thought he was

If someone you love hurts you cry a river,
build a bridge, and get over it.

Never be sad for what is over,
just be glad that it was once yours.

Should I hate you because you hurt me?
Or should I love you because you made me feel special?

Deep down you know it's best for yourself,
but you hate the thought of him being with someone else.

Now I believe it when people say love is blind...
'cause I must have been blind to love a person like you.

Money can't mend a broken heart;
that's Love's job.

One can not truly experience the beauty of love
without enduring the pain
that comes with it once it is lost

The heart does heal and you will love like this again...
only when you do,
you will deny you ever felt like this before.

Why am I afraid to lose you when you're not even mine...

You will know that you love someone
when you want him to be happy.
Even if that means you're not a part of their happiness.

I was born the day you kissed me,
died the day you left me,
but lived for the time that you loved me

I will always love him,
I just won't love the way he treated me.

I cried when I knew I lost you,
afraid I had lost it all.
Then I realized that losing you,
didn't have to mean I lost me.

One day you will seek love
and be sorry that you threw mine away.

My heart only fought for what it wanted.
Now my heart is having to fight to let him go.

Now that I have loved so purely and deeply,
I have realized how lonely I really am.

Some people think that it's holding
on that makes one strong;
sometimes it's letting go.

You have to forgive to forget,
and forget, to feel again.

Don't ever give up if you still want to try,
Don't ever wipe your tears if you still want to cry.
Don't ever settle for an answer if you still want to know.
Don't ever say you don't love him if you can't let him go.

You said you didn't want to see me get hurt,
so does that mean you closed your eyes when I cried?

Don't say we're not right for each other,
the way I see it, we're not meant for anyone else.

If the truth was told instead of a lie,
then the pain would go away sooner and not hurt as much.

It really hurts when you expected so much more
from the person you once loved so much.

I wish I was a kid again,
because skinned knees are easier
to fix then broken hearts.

Oftentimes we say goodbye to the
person we love without wanting to.
Though that doesn’t mean that
we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care.
Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.

It's like my mind knows what's right
but my heart is being retarded and still cares

If tears could build a stairway on memories alone,
I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again.

Ask me how many times my heart has been broken
and I will tell you to look in the sky and count the stars.

What if whats best for "us"
Is whats hardest to do
I still love you but,
I have to let you go

when will it stop
the pain
that darkness
that that that
that part of me
that was or Y-O-U!
why can't you fill it
why did u leave
why why why?
love hurts
but so does life

Why is it easy to fall in love and
yet so hard to be loved back?
why should I feel such if destiny
permits me not?
why do I have to fall if it's you I cant have?
why is there a "you" in "me"
but never a "me" in "you"?

How can I lose something that I never had?

It hurts the most when you
can actually feel your heart breaking.

True love never dies as we see in our eyes,
only when we let go that we can truly say goodbye.

She's got him falling head over heels
for her and I can't even get him to stumble..

Love can sometimes be magic.
But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion.

When you are in love and you get hurt, it’s like a cut...
it will heal, but there will always be a scar.

I miss you a little, I guess you could say,
a little too much, a little too often,
and a little more each day.

If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack.
If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not eno

Time goes by a lot slower when you miss the one you love.

Now join your hands,
and with your hands your hearts

I wish I had the guts to walk away
and forget about what we had.
But, I can’t because I know you won't come after me,
and I guess that's what hurts the most.

Loving you was easy,
losing you was hard.
Loving you is still easy,
but knowing you are no longer mine,
is the hardest of it all.

If you could choose between life and death
you would almost rather die,
love is fun but hurts so much
the price you pay is high.
And so I say don't fall in love,
you will get hurt before your through.
You see my friend, I ought to know,
I fell in love with you.

I thought I'd forget you, but I guess I forgot to.

You hurt me more than I deserve,
how can you be so cruel?
I love you more than you deserve,
why am I such a fool?

It's amazing how you make your face just like a wall,
how you take your heart and turn it off,
how I turn my head and lose it all.

Every few nights or so you pop into my dreams,
I just can't get rid of you like you got rid of me.

Days continue to pass, stars continue to shine.
Why do I have tears in my eyes today
when he was NEVER mine?

If I could be anyone at this moment,
I'd be her so you'd love me too.

Should I smile because he's my friend,
or cry because that's all he is?

Love that we can not have is the one that last the longest,
hurts the deepest and feels the strongest.

When you're near it seems that I took you for granted,
but now that distance is between us,
it made me realized that your love has been a part of my life.

Nobody said it was easy;
it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy...
no one ever said it would be this hard.